Feeling lost getting over it and maybe not caring

[Turbine]

Email from my L about settlement. Two sticking points. One about household expenses. Other about inheritance and trust.

I went back in the tech library and cried. I don't want this... still. Seems I have no choice now. I've been praying a lot. I guess marriage isn't so big a sacrament. I have to let go. No... I am being forced to let go.

How do I not do something terminally stupid? I feel crushed. Kids, grandkids, family and friends... are they enough?

Supposed to go to church tonight... God, I'm feeling bitter and lost. Will my worship mean anything in this state of mind? Has any of this been of use or value?

Friends... after this? I want use to be husband and wife, the way we should have been all along. How can I do that? Three kids, private time with her... never again...