You know, if it were me, I might just delegate H to deal with that. It's his mother, they're his kids - and he can organise and administer it if she wants to see them and he approves of that. I know you want to support him if you can, and you don't want to distance but this is something you, for very good reasons, can't deal with right now. He's managed to opt out of quite a lot of things he can't deal with, so I don't see why you shouldn't either. Do your kids want to see her?
But that's the only negative thing in your post - and it isn't your H's doing, and all the other things were really positive. I must learn from this and train myself to notice positive things. For some reason it makes me feel very vulnerable to do that, so I am going to discuss that in IC too.
