Dealing with a complex MLC and/or Wayward Wife

[P_Jam]

LH,
Again you give sound advice. I've thought about that a lot but don't know how to prepare myself for such. Other than do what I"m doing. Continue to try and detach and work on myself and therefore also enjoy the new found freedom. I know from your perspective it's 99% Naivete but my 'gut' tells me differently. It could be the kids response when they finally realize what is about to happen to their lives (cause they are so young and at this point have really seen nothing different between us - they just know about the new apartment) and she is a truly devoted mother. Could be if/when she actually gets some IC as she has said she will. Could just be her missing me (as I know she has already had these feelings relatively strongly during IHS). Could be that none of the PA's/EA's work out to anything satisfying - or even better, the strong EA - doesn't even imply that he would leave his current wife/sitch for her. Could be a combination of all of the above. But deep down I feel that the work I'm doing on myself (180). The true effort to detach and the kids - is going to affect her. I know she still has a lot of love for me, this has really never been in question (currently may not respect me per NMMNG). She is just not 'happy' and the sooner she realizes that her happiness is more in her control than mine - she may lift out of this. Now, the bigger possibility is that I"m correct in the above, but she doesn't feel that we can actually R based on all of the cheating - she may not feel it's possible or worth it. <-- this seems more realistic then her continuing GGW for years. Again, i'm just sharing my feelings. I'm aware I could be completely wrong and you completely right. I'm doing everything I can to prepare for the worst. But this is how I"m currently feeling and don't know how to change it. I don't expect you to agree either. I continue writing as a form of my own therapy.

The fact remains that I have feelings that still oscillate in the other direction as well. If you look at my post from yesterday I was much more confident even when assuming the worst. At this point I'm getting much more confident in the unknown, but not more confident in worst case scenario.. If I could I would. My number 1-2 goals now is to SHOW her that I'm not available as an option while other affairs are going on. - Period. And detachment and focus on myself. Working these goals simultaneously should help me get to a better place emotionally as it relates to future options. But you are correct - I'm almost 100% positive that if I do this correctly (focusing on me and my issues) I most likely will not be an option for her 6 months to a year from now. That takes me back to the point of OW and me focusing on truly moving on (not waiting). If somehow we reconnect in a year just because her (or my) other options didn't work out - that's different than continuing to focus on her/DB and 'waiting'.