Yes, exactly. And I think both our husbands also want a close and intimate relationship too. But it's easier said than done when both of you have defences up. I'm trying to take mine down first and that takes a lot of courage but I have to.
OK date last night. We met up, had a fun activity then went to find a restaurant. Dh got very snappy because I messed up the navigation on my phone and it crossed my mind to run away, then I saw that thought for what it was and ignored it. Go me. He said he was very tired and also needed the toilet, which is enough to make anyone snappy He took us to a different restaurant and we had a nice meal. He told me some big stuff which is going to happen at work at the end of April which is going to change everything for him, possibly in a good way (but not in a working fewer hours way, sigh, and with a huge amount of upheaval). We talked about the kids. He said he was going to come home for mother's day and take us all out for lunch and then go back to work. He asked me to breakfast before our run on Saturday and said he couldn't stay for lunch because he has to go back to work in the afternoon.
There's also some stuff with his mum, she contacted me asking to see the kids soon and I am so so so furious with her I think I will have to arrange it so she comes when I'm not there. I feel like this is in a big part her fault for abandoning dh and she has never owned it or apologised or tried to make it up to him or his siblings. I can't forgive her for the damage she's caused dh, and he can't either. So I will avoid her, because I'm not sure that I would be able to be civil to her right now.
So I kept my expectations low and they were exceeded. In the busiest week of his year dh is making a big effort to see me, that's good. I'm feeling stressed due to weight of work right now and because there is lots going on, so I will try not to think about the future right now. This work thing of dh's might mean he's less likely to move towards me, I don't know. Last night he looked at me lovingly, but I've seen that look before and he gave it to me the night before he left, so goodness knows what that means. I'm exhausted and think I'll just go with the flow for a bit.
Oh and edit: when dh got off the train he gave me a hug and said 'don't cry when I'm gone' and waited on the platform till the train went and waved me goodbye. That was ok.
He took us to a different restaurant and we had a nice meal. He told me some big stuff which is going to happen at work at the end of April which is going to change everything for him, possibly in a good way (but not in a working fewer hours way, sigh, and with a huge amount of upheaval). We talked about the kids. He said he was going to come home for mother's day and take us all out for lunch and then go back to work. He asked me to breakfast before our run on Saturday and said he couldn't stay for lunch because he has to go back to work in the afternoon. 