Yes, this seems so true to me from the outside. And also from the perspective of someone who has at least started to forgive my dh. My husband has not said sorry by the way, nor that he wants to work on things, the forgiveness has to start with you on your side (even if he did say sorry are you sure you would believe him?). I'm not sure that saying sorry and forgiving are that closely related. You do have an odd situation where you kind of are the WAW...
For me, the forgiveness has come from trying to understand why he's done what he's done (which might be easier for me given dh has not to my knowledge had an EA or PA), try to see this separation as a sign that things need to change in our marriage, that long-held habits have to alter, that we've both had our defences up against each other and they have to come down, that I have to change my part and my assumptions about dh, and to forgive myself for my part, and to have hope that true change is possible. To work on myself and being open whilst hoping dh is also working on his side and then trying to avoid my usual responses to his behaviour and then working on repair when one or both of us get triggered.
Gosh, no wonder it's all taking so long
I hope that things continue to go ok between eldest and your H.
