I have stopped with the punitive behavior. I have been polite and mostly positive when I come home everyday for 4 months. I put my phone away, I spend time with S1, I ask interactive questions. Im going to go to party tomorrow. She said "it would be nice" in a matter of fact" tone. I have tried and tried and tried to even just make light conversation without pursuing. "How was your day?" "Anything interesting happen today?" "What's going on at work?" "How's your folks?" "Does our son need anything?" "Are you feeling ok, you look runned down?"
I'm acting positive around her. Jokes brushed off, little response, ignored to phone and tv. Sometimes I have to repeat myself 3 times if asking a question, and I get constant excuses, "Sorry im zoned out today. "Sorry I have my period" "Sorry I had to restrain that kid at work today" While all legitimate reasons, still very avoidant and only conversed with me when necessary. I know not all, but most of the time its intentional, because S1 gets smothered by her now. Gets all the laughs, attention, conversation, the constant ILY'S, now she's calling him babe, the happy tonality, interactions, and smiles. All after myself getting the same ignored treatment, monotoned resposes, and neutral modality. The TV and FB gets more laughter and attention then I do. So rather than overstay my welcome, I go off and do my own thing in thr house or spend time with S1.
Now before anyone goes off on here calling me insecure, needy, craving for attention, jealous of my my child and stuff like that. Im telling everyone, I know what I am experiencing and seeing, and the behavior change torwards me in last 3 months is crystal clear. I'm not that emotionally obtuse. She will put on a good and pleasing act in front of company though. Im telling you there is unresolved unrelying resentment there. Subtle but unresolved on her part.
So the other night, she needed a hand changing S1, I was in the middle of peeing. She got disappointed I couldn't help her fast enough. I calmly told her I was peeing, and then helped her, then asked her. "What are you going to resent me for the rest of your life because I was peeing?" She said YES!!!
I know I have my emotion stress triggers which contributed to down fall of MR amongst a list of other perceived bad habits and behaviors, but I am not intentionally being punitive, and 180 the bad ones the best I can. I am clearly being ignored, brushed off, avoided, and emotionally gaurded by her even just for a few laughs. Sometimes it doesn't even,phase me because I've gotten so used to it past couple of months. Other times it just pisses me off, and makes me feel stuck. I don't show it, but none the less. Im not asking her to return to the marriage, its inevitable that we seperate in the months to come. I can't change that, or her, or her decision, and im ok with it at times, and other times the thought of starting over of course saddens me, pisses me off, etc. But hell, im just asking for a friendly positive conversation. One that isn't superficial, or short responsed.
Now I know I know....Focus on you, GAL, control the things you have control over like yourself, don't let someone else's response to you affect your happiness, let it roll off your shoulders, like water on a ducks back, have no expectations, believe half of what they do and none of what they say, detach, etc...
So where is the balance? What the hell am I supposed to do? (Not directed at anyone here, and appreciate all your help, time and input..just frustrated.) I'm not pursuing, haven't been for a while, haven't brought up R talks. She has no problem expressing enthusiasm over idea of new potential apartment, new growth ideas, new hobbies, etc...to me. Its all about her. I guess she has been selfless for so long, she's finally putting herself first in every aspect.
Even if I can stay consistently detached, shift my focus totally to myself, NC, etc. build myself up, have fun, be positive, etc. I don't think it will have any impact. Im not necessarily looking for a reaction from her, but if avoiding someone is rude, and being pleasant is pursuit, then where is the middle ground for what works? As if I was treating this as not only a change for myself but an objective social experiment. Any advice?
