I went ahead and thanked him for the schedule (he had taken a calendar and put the days he was working, then in a different color he put the days son has commitments) and asked him if a particular day worked for our talk. He responded immediately and even gave me a time. I knew he'd respond (although he surprised me with how quickly), but I guess I am sick of all the games and the timidity and constant temp checking to see if I'm going to attack him. I can see those Happy Again posts in what he is doing here. How do people have the patience for this stuff? How do you pretend not to see what is in front of your face?
I plan to be very truthful with what I am feeling about selling the house (pro and con), my concerns about our D and wanting to get her a place, the need for the separation contract in view of those things, be matter-of-fact about the taxes, and just ask him if he's given any thought to which days he'd like to see S. I plan to tell him about some of my own plans with the kids (renting a car and exploring the NE touring colleges) and going to Europe to watch D perform and see the sights with her. Maybe getting in some whitewater rafting with S (something we all used to enjoy). I imagine these things will make him sad to miss, but that was his choice.
I'm going to try very, very hard not to be angry, raise my voice at all, mention his choices, or ask anything of him (except sign the form for the taxes and give me the money for his under-withholding). I think he's going to try to have a relationship talk. He has tried the last two times I have met with him and I shut him down. This time I may let him do it. I get the feeling he has things he wants to say (mostly excuses for why he did what he did). I'm going to try very hard to say, yes I understand that is how you feel, etc. I just think he needs to say this stuff.
If any of you remember my infamous talk with him in the summer of 2017, it probably won't go to plan (I had big plans then too not to engage--literally lasted 1 minute when he said "we can do this the easy way or the hard way, I'll just quit my job and litigate you into the ground). I do think I'm a lot calmer since then. Oh well, I hope I can at least report emotional progress when it is over.
