Dealing with a complex MLC and/or Wayward Wife

[P_Jam]

Ovrrnbw,
Where did you think I was ignoring you? I looked back and saw one post related to having another conversation with my wife about the most recent PA - definitely did not ignore. Was actually going in that direction until others stated it really didn't have any positive outcome - so Why?

I respect your post. No need to stop.

I think you bring up some good points above. I'm not ignorant to the fact that some may be insecurity - meaning that I'm only supplementing my ego if I move forward with this. My point is, i'm not sure working on myself and having physical relationships need to be mutually exclusive. Things I haven't shared because they seem unimportant to the overall question I had to the board... I do plan to take a full sexual sabbatical per NMMNG. I'm 2.5 months in. and although my goal was 3 months I'll probably at least go another month after she is officially out of the house and have debating taking a full 6 months. This to work on myself and let my decision sink in.

When I say 'self respect' i'm not directing that towards the physical relationship. It's more about my feelings of no longer feeling sorry for myself in regards to my WW. Maybe some is anger (doesn't really feel like it though). I'm very dissapointed in what she has done but the fact remains - I'm really not sure if I want reconciliation. Deep down if I had to take read on my 'gut' I would say I do. But I don't know if this is because of what I really want, or if it's because it's what I know. That is why this time/space that we are creating should be utilized by both parties to figure out what THEY/WE want going forward. I'm not supposed to be doing anything 'for her'. All for myself. So.. why then is this such a no-no? Again, doesn't mean I'm going to do it tomorrow. But I am drawn to the idea and interested in hearing all points about the subject (yours included).

Right now she is out figuring out if she wants to reconcile or if she even wants to work on the relationship at all. I'm implying that I should do the same thing and that would also help detachment.

Of course, I still fee scorned, rejected as my wife of 16yrs have just dumped me for MULTIPLE 'tools'. No doubt It would be nice to feel wanted.

As for your feeling of not dating while going through Separation/divorce/ is this grounded in some religious factor? Based on the way you wrote it - I don't either. But with where things are now and how many people she has slept with in the last 3 months. I don't actually feel/agree that we are 'married' anymore. It's broken/gone. The first marriage is over. Anything reconciled from her is a new M. Period. Does not discount your opinion in regards to insecurity which I address above - but I do not feel I owe her any honor in regards to our 'current' M.