This stood out on your first post of your new thread:
Originally Posted by Yail
I've said it before and it's still how I feel: I want for this to be a separation, not a divorce. I know I can't just decide that but I'm putting it out into the universe. I'm finding the space good for me, and I'm hoping it's good for her. We both had some areas to grow in and I'm really trying to use my time wisely. But I also think she is my teammate and my lover, and I don't want to lose her. I can go NC, but I'm still hoping that it's not forever.
I quote the above because I have felt the same way earlier in the year as you do now. And while I cannot put into words as to the reasoning for that mindset, I do know the feeling you are describing. I am not sure if your feelings have wavered between not wanting a divorce and wanting the divorce as fast as possible, or anything in between. I know those feelings will swing back and forth for a long time, even after the paperwork has been filed.
What I do see is that you are still in love with her. There was an article I googled that showed me what "being in love" is versus "love". (To find it, google "in love" and find the link "6 Differences Between Loving Someone and Being In Love"). And from my viewpoint, there is nothing wrong or weird with having those feelings. Further, as R2C and AS have informed me before, there is always hope of reconciling and getting back together. As long as you feel you have hope for that, then you will always have a chance.
I also recognize that you are putting forth the effort of detaching from her. Holy crap, it's difficult isn't it?!? But do you also see that as you continue to detach and work on focusing your mind and body on other things like self-improvement, improvement of your environment, improvement of your connections to family and friend that you see and feel a change in yourself? A change of being a stronger, better, happier version of you? A Yail who can look at her self in the mirror and say "I am a wonderful, kickass, strong, attractive woman. If my W does not see me for the great person I am, then some other lucky person will."?
If not, then you should work on changing your mindset towards that.
From my viewpoint, you already are on your way. Don't give up. Keep up the growth. Keep up the hope.
