Tomorrow is W birthday at MIL. Still distant in conversation with W unless trival, superficial, or logistical matters.
Like "How was your day" " Oh I can't believe they sold that house across the street" "Look at that plane" (her being positively pleasant for the sake of) , etc... I've stopped initiating any convo, unless it is a matter to be addressed. She can live in silence forever in front of just me and S when we are alone for all I care. But she will put on a good people pleasing front in front of others despite everyone now knowing we are seperating. (I find it to be phony of her character) Then will say I'm rude at family affairs for being quiet, and not engaging in conversation with her as third-party and other people. One on one im fine with everyone else making small talk.
I will presumably wind up being quiet, (which is far from my typical nature) in front of W and family, and not because of In Laws. In laws are great. I just feel like a failure and disappointment when I'm with W around family, even my own I clam up with W there. (Again not typically like me at all.
I can put on a pleasant front if i need to, and switch gears if I will it or feel like it, and man up and be happy for the sake of our S. But I'm not really one to conceal my emotions or thoughts, happy or sad.
The more I learn about emotional regulation, and the traits BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and Histrionic Personality Disorder. I am shocked at how many attributes I have displayed in emotional context, behavior and thinking.
I don't know if i should attend or not, because I don't want to play family with someone who will be separating from me, and is emotionally unavailable. On the other hand, she is a behaviorist, and im not necessarily mind reading here, but I think she knows to be emotionally unavailable to me to regain and protect her sence of self. Because all R talks we have had in last 6 months usually has a time limit result of her shutting down the convo and her emotions. Sources on BPD may have directed her to go NC on me, since she realizes I may be gauging for a reaction in every little thing I do or don't do.
I am fascinated with self differention, relationships, and other characteristics, but also confusing me as well as what the right decision is.
MIL is aware I may or may not show up. I decided to do something nice but not grandiose, and am planning picking up custom cake and leaving presents there with card for her. (My 180 from past)
Should I go? Shouldnt I go? What is best? I know some say here to "Stop playing family" and others say take every opportunity to spend time with family and Spouse every chance you get. Leading to more confusion.
What do you guys think from a healthy emotional and psychological perspective?
