I am working away from home right now, and H is at the house with both kids. Everything seems to be going well. We did have a talk about boundaries and behaviour expectations which I agreed to, then last night Eldest started testing them. I found it very upsetting and difficult to stick to the boundaries we had agreed (and which I do think are reasonable and did not agree to just to please H) and he was supportive in that moment, though I can see he was frustrated too. I need to talk about why I find it so scary and difficult in my IC I think, and I will.
Just thinking about forgiveness. About that being a step forward. I want to forgive. What gets in the way is that I am not sure that the things that have hurt me won't happen again. Not forgiving almost feels like keeping my guard up. Being wary and prepared. I think H is in the same boat. I do think he's wise not to want to live with an unforgiving and defensive wife, and I want to move past that, but I am not sure how yet.
