Thanks Dilly. I appreciate you commenting on my situation - on your own thread too! - and also your forthright honesty. I think you're right. I won't comment further here as I don't want to derail your thread by talking about my own stuff (I only mentioned my own thinking in case it helped illuminate things with you and your H) any further.
On whether we make the changes for us or not. I guess I agree with you Dilly. I want a close intimate relationship. It is my desire and I think it would benefit me in lots of ways. That means working on changes and forgiveness - and, perhaps, letting go out the outcome. I don't want to manipulate my H into coming home by being nice to him or pretending I have forgiven him when I haven't. But I want to be the sort of person capable of an intimate and forgiving relationship, and I work on those changes in the hope that if he makes his own changes, it can work out. And if it doesn't work out, it will benefit me anyway, whether to feel better about being alone or a more suitable and giving partner to someone else one day.
