FS: I agree with every word you say. But those changes aren't just for us, they're also for our relationships. Because if you're distancing you can't have intimacy. And living without intimacy is unsatisfying. And I agree that you can't MAKE someone else change, absolutely not. But if my husband is too damaged and stubborn and unable to change enough in the right direction for us to save this, then I'll still have the knowledge that I did my very best, and I'll have learnt new skills and behaviours which would be healthy in another relationship.
Talking of expectations, my dh texted me this morning to say he had to get up at 5.30 to get to work, I know that this is partly because he wants to leave early for our date and he has such a busy week. I feel grateful that he's made this time for me, but also I know he will be exhausted so I'll keep my expectations low. He'll be past this busy season next week, I wonder how he will feel then. I wish he felt able to step off this hamster wheel of overachievement in his job, but I can see that the faster the wheel spins, the scarier it is to jump off.
