Just wanted to say thanks for piping on my thread.
Originally Posted by dillyDaf
But it does take one person to start changing for the other person to shift, and you've already started making those changes.
I can see that you have looked inward and are now consciously making changes to the behaviours which contributed to where you are now. Distancing behaviors stem from a desire not to be hurt - it is, at times, an ill conceived and damaging form of self preservation. But to let those barriers down mean we open ourselves up to being hurt. So, for you to try to change those behaviours, to open yourself up to hurt and rejection, shows great courage.
So, I am all for you trying to change this. The only thing I will say is that we should make these changes for us. Not for our H's. Not because we expect some change from them. Other people will always disappoint, WW's and WAW especially because they have their own [censored] to deal with, their own fog to walk through. Walk aways do so because they believe that there is something, anything, better. They are willing to blow up families because of this belief. There is courage there. But there is also frustration, resentment and a great deal of selfishness .
Make the changes and persevere with them (which your doing) because eventually behaviour becomes habit. But do it with no expectation. When we have expectations and those expectations aren't met. We retreat. So, be consistent in your behaviors, but don't get upset if he is inconsistent with his.
You are on the right track. He is starting to come around. But this is a marathon. Be patient. Continue walking your path and making the changes for you.
The changes are for us. He will notice them. He has noticed them. But they are for us.
