Dealing with a complex MLC and/or Wayward Wife

[P_Jam]

joejoe1,
Very well written THANK YOU! This really helped me solidify my decision. See below.

Sandi,
I know..every question I've ever asked had something to do with control. I haven't really denied this. Although I know DB is about letting go and not controlling but for us newcomers (especially control freaks) this is extremely difficult to implement full scale (even when you see little results). Not to mention that I've now learned that "Nice Guys" do not learn quickly. As a rationalization/justification - even though I know its a form of control... It's really hard to believe that there aren't some opportunities where 'control' MIGHT help (especially in the short term for possible long term gain). My strategy has always been to try and plant some seeds in her mind that might sprout later. I just wanted to maximize this time while she is still in the house.

That being said;
I have decided to take the advice you both offer. I do not plan to have an 'exit interview' or give any parting shots. Not only that, I now feel very comfortable in that decision thanks to the above comments. I'm not even drawn to it at this point. Things are still difficult for me as she is still in the house. So having her around as a constant reminder of what I'm about to lose makes detaching VERY difficult. But I believe I have done a very good job inside the house on a daily basis. Admittedly SHE may have some subconscious feelings that I'm still attached. As you both make it clear that things really don't start to change until the rope is actually dropped. But as far as fake-it-till-you-make-it... I've done well (I think). Since BD2 (me asking her to move out). I have had the house painted, I have replaces the guest bedroom furniture (to replace what she is taking). I have not pursued or had ANY relationship talks. I have been cordial, nice but distant. I have focused on the kids. Furthermore, both her and my kids have had some form of the flue in the last 2 weeks. I have done my part to be helpful with the kids as well as polite in helping her a little with the situation (but not care taking). I know she has noticed. I'm not sure if its positive or negative - but she has done a good job in mirroring me. She no longer comes to pursue me for being distant (which [censored], but I have learned from this board it doesn't really matter at this point until she is truly remorseful which is most likely months possibly years away)

so.. onward and upward. I'm getting more comfortable in the unknown. Every time I think about the situation I've now learned to tell myself - THERE IS NOTHING TO THINK ABOUT! Nothing can be changed right now. Only made worse. So focus on me and fixing NGS. I continue with weekly IC and don't plan to stop. I will focus on GAL (maintaining a life actually). Although it will be tough in a different way (loneliness) i'm actually looking forward to her moving out. As it feels like then I will be able to start working on the 'next step' of more fully detaching. I'll still have some work to do on internalizing this for myself (and not as a tactic to get her back) but in time I believe I will be able to more fully surrender.

So on to my next questions for you experts. I've asked this a little before but I'm really have a tough time with this aspect of detaching and moving on... It's about relationships and OW. I understand that I should not be jumping into another "relationship" as I'm not emotionally ready and it's not fair to the OW. That being said; there are still other options than an emotional relationship. I'm a fit attractive guy and believe that I will have opportunities to fulfill my physical/sexual needs. Everyone says "no" don't do this (although we won't judge you if you do). My hang-up is: if I'm really detaching and getting to a point where I don't care about ANYTHING that she does, why is it such a no-no to start living my life as a 'single person'. She is! and I'm might end up being single anyway. It's really hard for me to think about my wife out doing girls gone wild while I essentially 'wait" - all at the same time as focusing on detachment? Speaking to my IC I know that this can be a bit of a 'crutch' and I need to focus on becoming centered in my loneliness but If I'm not engaging in a 'relationship' emotionally I don't believe these 2 things are mutually exclusive.

Thoughts/Examples - Pros/cons?