LH, AS, Steve, thanks for the feedback and reassurances. A cheating W is the most severe pain I’ve ever felt. It’s human nature to try and do things that move us away from that pain. I can see how the LBS can get fed up over time and reach their breaking point. I’m not there. I want to wait and see how the separation goes when she moves out and how it is affecting my kids.
It’s so confusing to me that the WW can carry on a double life in front of me, does she think I don’t know what is going on? She is nice and cordial, laughs at things I say to the kids one minute, then dives into fantasyland on her phone the next minute. Last night she came into the master bath when I was getting and she felt the need to tell me a joke from the Amazon Alexa device. I guess she still has a need to balance reality with La La Land and maintain contact someone in person.
I’m struggling with understanding how to interact with her during these times. Should I be looking for opportunities for positive interaction or simply remove myself from the equation for the time being and make myself as scarce as possible?
Do not look for opportunities, but do not shy away from them when they arise. But yes, making yourself as scarce as possible is important.
I struggle with the confronting piece of a cheating WW. Like I said, I've read things that suggest that the cheating W loses respect for a LBH she is "fooling" with her affair. So while it isn't strictly DBing, I would be upfront about what you know WITH one huge caveat. Only when you are ready to kick her to the curb! You just said you weren't there yet. But confronting with no consequence is weak and not worthy of respect either.
In my sitch, as I got better at detaching, she left to drop my daughter off at school one day and didn't come back for almost an hour (D's school was < 10 mins one way). When she came home later that morning she was fully of reasons why she took so long. I looked her in the eye and said: "I am not stupid." Coupled with my detaching which I was doing better and better, she realized that staying out longer to contact EA P was transparent too me. And the consequence was that I going to finally tell her shape up or ship out. But you have to be ready with the latter for the former to have any teeth.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
