4 years pieced and still a work in progress!

[othstr]

Here is the thing I want people to know: If your H is having an A, he will not come back as long as he knows he can have you (and you are plan B). He has to know he has lost you, that you are strong on your own, and that you are moving on and will be just fine without him. I can garuntee that if I had understood this (through my devastation) and followed the rules here, from DAY 1, my H would not have left for OW. Of course that feels impossible. You cannot nice them back, show them what they are missing, and hope that they will work on the R, as long as the OW is still in the picture at all. I stand behind my beliefs no matter how hard posters try and convince me otherwise! My H would tell you the same thing and he lived it.

I find this interesting. I understand that I need to not be ok as Plan B. I have already proved to myself and others, and I'm sure him, that I am strong enough on my own, that I will be just fine without him, and that I am ok with moving on. However, he hasn't lost me. I feel like if he truly lost me, I wouldn't be wanting the M back at all. He left me before having our baby, so I have been on my own since day one with him, I am certainly strong enough to do this and be on our own. One thing I am trying to fully grasp: If I haven't filed for divorce, we haven't had one single conversation about it, doesn't that show him that I'm not fully moved on, that I would be willing to take him back. This does not mean that I want/am ready to file, just find that kind of contradictory in my book.