OneArt- The ticket can probably be used by another person (not sure). We do normally communicate in person about any business matters though we rarely have a business matter to discuss.
peacetoday- BD was during the holiday season and we did still celebrate the holidays together as a family.
Gordie- I can see my husband being mad either way as well. It seems like he just wants to be mad most of the time. About anything.
I am leaning toward an invite and trying to be as low key as possible about it.
Since your h is still living under the same roof with you, I would suggest that you talk to your h about it. You could say something like this: "h, I am planning to do xyz and would like to know if you are interested in going w/us. If you can let me know by xyz, because I want to purchase the tickets." You will have given him the option to say yes or no.
It doesn't matter what you say or do, he's going to be angry. Right now, he's angry at the world and himself.
Invite him, but keep your expectations at zero.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Do you think it is possible for a person in MLC to successfully navigate their crisis without ever leaving home? Or do you think leaving is a necessary part of their journey?
Some can navigate their crisis while living at home...but the spouse needs to leave them alone as much as possible and allow them to take their journey. The spouse basically has to accept that their other half is now a roommate and not who they expect them to be. I have seen a couple of them stay at home the entire time IRL and they came out the other side. The spouse has to learn to accept from for who they are today and not who they were pre-crisis.
For some, leaving home, filing for divorce, is a necessary part of their journey. It all depends upon their childhood issues and what they need in order to heal themselves.
They are some who have a "mild" crisis and others, such as many of those we see here, are "really in serious crisis mode and act out completely.
It all depends upon the person, personality, coping skills and, of course the childhood issues.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi kate11, in my case, XH absolutely had to leave to navigate the full-blown crisis. For him I think leaving was the beginning of his journey (although it didn't seem like it during the time). He had to go to the greener grass, live with OW and try to set up his "better life". Slowly, over years, this so-called amazing person replacing me was a slob, had mental issues, picked fights, etc. and just wanted him to take care of her (I don't think she worked). More importantly, as he realized that she was an incompatible partner, he discovered that his own abandonment issues led him to idealize her. The more he saw that his childhood issues had led him to a giant disaster of a relationship, the more he realized what a mess he was. He then sought therapy. But like Job said, everyone has their own path. For me, I couldn't be there for it.
Details of how to spilt the assets and also his extended family is coming for the weekend. Yep, makes one’s head spin. Did he even list the assets correctly? Or split them fairly?
What did he say about the tickets for June?
Hang in there kate. H is pretty confused and no one is going to be able to talk any sense into him.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
The asset division was enormously detailed. He tried to include all household items right down to our 15 year old sheet sets and second hand gardening tools. He overvalued a number of older household items (I think in an effort to show that he was being extra "generous") but, all in all, the major assets were divvied up relatively fairly. I can see some points that would have to be discussed and possibly altered to some degree but there were no enormous glaring problems.
Child support and custody arrangements haven't been brought up yet though.
He said he would let me know about the June tickets.
About a week ago, my husband gave me the rest of a separation agreement he has been working on. I've looked it over and marked the areas where we need to discuss/make changes. I've also calculated how much I believe I will need in child support. I haven't brought up talking about this, as it is not what I want, but I imagine at some point sooner or later my husband will want to push forward. Whenever that happens is there a DB-approved way to have a separation talk when it comes to asset division, child support, finances and child custody?
We have never had a relationship talk post-BD. Ever. I have adhered fully to the DBing guidelines there. So other than the script I got at BD I know nothing else about what he is thinking. I believe he is most likely having an affair (or has someone waiting in the wings in a current EA) but I have never brought any of this up. I am cordial in the few interactions we have. He mostly avoids me like the plague and I let him to give him space.
I understand there is nothing to be gained by having a giant confrontation so I guess I just stay the course? State what I need in the separation agreement and that is it?
I would if you haven't before any discussion or separation agreement
The MLCer will sweet talk the LBS, lie, cheat and steal
They will put OW in front of the LBS, blood family, their parents and kids
make sure you are protected.. many will want to settle things alone without attorney costs..or online but they cant be trusted at this point no matter how nice they seem
Many attorneys will do a free consult and I apologize..if you have done this already-
My good friend told me spend the money on a good attorney- and she was right because the MLCer will blow all the funds all the accounts with no care about the LBS or the kids-
The ow fuels the spending ad I personally didn't want her to get money that was ours and for our kids-
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
