I have a question on possible consequences for crossing the boundary in my sitch. Since my W is moving out in just over a week, keeping her out of the MBR is going away. What other types of consequences could I consider if she continues to engage in EA/PAs with the OM during the physical separation?
As LH said, D is about it. But she wants that anyway, so if you "threaten" her with that she's likely to be very pleased about it as it paves the way for you doing all the work for her. Then she can not only do nothing but she can also tell everyone that you were the bad guy that pushed D through while she tried to give it time. Here's the bottom line Curtis- the whole reason she's moving out is to engage in a PA. WAS's don't move out to work on the M. She's going to do it and there's nothing you can do about it, because in her eyes you're already D'd.
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What are thoughts on establishing a post-nuptial agreement that spells out how assets will be divided? Could be a wake up call, but makes D fairly straightforward once in place.
You've got to quit thinking in terms of "If I do X, Y or Z will that wake her up?" There is no waking her up. Nothing you do will have that sort of impact on her. All you can do is give her time and space.
I know this is all very painful to go through Curtis but there is no shortcut or workaround. She's got to leave, she's got to have her fling or flings and you've got to work on yourself and work on dropping that rope and letting her do what she's going to do.
Curtis, listen to LH and AS here. So many LBSs take an action because they think acting is better than not acting. It is not. WASs are notoriously lazy. Even the ones that take the initiative and file for D, or schedule a mediator, most of the time will not take the next step. Many people have seen their spouses takes these steps and never push it forward. We have a long running narrative that D usually only really happens when the LBS finally gets feed up and pursues D.
Your best play here is to sit back and wait. It is against the sensibilities of many LBHs, but view it less about your anguish and more about the gift of time. The LBSs that struggle the most are those that think they need to do something besides GAL, detachment, and 180s.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
