He's incredibly critical - isn't able to say what he wants, only to point out what he doesn't like. Won't make suggestions for changes or solutions to problems that affect him. Totally unwilling to compromise to meet the needs of anyone else. I suggested we both needed to come into the middle, gave examples of things I felt I needed to change, and said I was willing to go first. Asked him if there was anything he felt he could change or move on. Point blank no, no way, not considering it, not even talking about what would need to change so he could consider it.
All that points to him not being ready or committed. You might consider switching to strictly co-parenting counseling and drop any marriage counseling for now.
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Blame. Won't say what he wants - even in the session - then when we were coming towards a decision, claimed that what he wanted hadn't been taken into account, then when the therapist asked him to say what he wanted, he claimed there wasn't enough time to go into it - which is classic evasive tactics.
Yes exactly, he's treating everyone like the enemy and counseling as if it's a battleground rather than making any significant effort to use it as a tool to improve communication.
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He started raising his voice and berating me at one point - and I flinched - then he got angry with me because I'd flinched and claimed I was play acting in order to get the therapist on side. I asked him if he'd lower his voice as I found it upsetting, then he started whispering sarcastically.
It sounds like he has a lot of hate and anger in his heart and it's pushed away his capacity to feel love.
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I have no idea why he went, I really don't.
To say he "tried everything". That's why they go. At least now you know he's unwilling to work on things and can take action accordingly. I'm sorry it didn't go better, but he still has to fall a long ways and hit bottom before things might get better.
