Persistent Endurance (Part 2)

[Ready2Change]

“I’m not sure we have a starting place to go back to”

response "I am not sure either. I just know with absolute certainty that I do not want to be in this sitch again"

“I stepped back to observe us and everything started to crystallize”

“This whole situation thing makes me sad”

response "It is very sad."

“You have to give yourself time too”

"Yes, I think I will take some time to process everything"

“I will be happier if you are out of my life”

response "I want us both to be happy. Do what you need to make yourself happy."

“Kids are resilient”

response "some kids are very resilient, ours will have no choice. It is your choice to put them through this SIGNIFICANT stress."

“I thought about saying no when you asked me to marry you”

response "That must have been a hard decision."

“I only said yes because I thought that was what family and friends expected of me”

response "family and freinds make things complicated"

“Separation is the only way I could possibly think differently about you”

response "I think it is best if you move out."

“It’s time for me to be selfish”

response "that is your choice."

“Don’t touch me”

response "I have no intention on touching you"

“I’m not attracted to you”

response "I wouldn't be attracted to me either if I were you."

“I don’t even like the way you smell”

response "Thanks for sharing."

“I feel trapped, like you’re backing me into a corner”

response "I can understand how you feel trapped."

“Stop being noble by trying to hold on”

resposne "How do you see me doing that?"

“I don’t have regret over the OM, so I don’t care if you heal”

response "I understand you feel that way"

“Don’t trust me!”

“It’s too late, I have no feelings left for you to try and continue”

response "Yes, It is too late. I wish we would have tried before it got to this point"

“I can’t give you what you want”

resposne "I am sorry you feel that way."

“I don’t need you”

response "I understand."

“I want a divorce”

response "I see many solutions to our problems. If D is the only way for you to be happy, I will not stand in you way."

“I’m going to call a lawyer to discuss my options”

response "Perfect"

“I’ll just have to fake it”

response "perfect"

“I’m not getting any younger and feel like I’m missing out on life”

response "I understand. hopefully you can live an exciting life"

“My mother died young and I don’t know how much time I have left”

response "I wish she was still alive"

“It’s not you, I’m broken”

response "It's OK. We are all broken"

“Separation doesn’t mean it’s necessarily over for us”

response "When we separate, I believe it is best that we move on and not look back"

“I just don’t feel it right now, I’m wasting time, I’m convinced those feelings won’t return.”

response "I don't think those feeligns will return either. We both have some hard decisions to make."

“I promise not to see OM, but will not break off all contact with him”

response "That does not work for me."

“My skin crawls and anxiety skyrockets around you”

response "I understand that. I think it is best if we stop interacting"

“I feel nothing for you, I’m not angry, I’m just indifferent”

response "I know."

“I don’t have any love left for you”

response "I understand."

“I don’t know what to do, I’m so confused”

response "I know, It is OK to be confused."

“I deleted everything associated with OM from my phone”

response "thanks for sharing"

“I might be a bad person, but I don’t intentionally try to hurt people”

response "I know"

“A smart girl always has a backup plan”

response "That is one of the things I admire about you"

“I want my freedom, I don’t want to have to answer to anyone”

response "I understand."

“I just want to be single”

response "I understand. Being married is a lot of work"

“Just let me go”

response " response "You are free to do what you want"

“I can’t see the forest for the trees”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves”

response "Sounds like a good idea"

“Our marriage is only legal and doesn’t mean anything”

response "I can see why you feel this way. I wish it would have been different"

“I am moving out and have no intentions of coming back”

response "Perfect. Would you like help packing?"

“You didn’t treat me right and didn’t make me feel loved”

response "That must have been hard. I am sorry."

“I don’t think I ever loved you”

response "I believe you. It's OK. I understand"

“I know what I’m doing is unethical and immoral, but you are the cause”

response " I am sorry you feel that way. I don't control your actions."

“This is who I really am”

response "I know"

[curtis7]

R2C, wow!! Masterful craftsmanship on the validation. I recall only responding with something similar on a handful of those.

[curtis7]

Spring break week with my kids is winding down. We had a real nice beach outing, my W texted when we were there asking which beach we went to and to send pics. I waited a couple hours to respond and sent her a few of the kids.

I went to NCAA basketball yesterday with some good friends and enjoyed the time away.

Came home early this afternoon to find her texting away with various OM again for a few hours. Tried to ignore as best I could by spending time with the kids and working on projects around the house.

Getting close to her separation house closing now on April 1. At least when she moves out her repeated betrayals won’t be so blatant right in front of me.

[MrBrside]

I sympathise with you Curtis.

My WW is just the same. She denies there being OM, but grins when she says it. He is just a friend lol..

She spent the night there last night and left me with the children. There was no point in her coming back today, as she is so tired ( assume a night of new relationship passion ) - just ignored the children and fell asleep on the sofa.. Sandi hits the nail on the head when she states that WW are just selfish.. My WW moves into her new house next weekend, so one week left for me.. Then i really can focus on me and my children.. Biggest worry is how she will ignore the children when she has them

[Adam04]

Curtis,

Sorry to hear about your W openness with the texting to OM. Focus on your own happiness and being there for the kids. I hear the more blatant the WW is, the easier it makes the LBS detach. People can get so hung up on trying to save the MR that their focus is on the WAS. I think those blatant actions kinda forces you to rethink where to put that focus.

Remember, you're the rock, the sane, civil one right now. Don't let her actions dictate your happiness.

@R2C, thanks pointing out Coach's words and taking Curtis's list of W phrases and spinning it for the better. Really appreciate you and all that you do to help here.

[curtis7]

Biggest worry is how she will ignore the children when she has them

Helpme, I read your sitch and not surprisingly we have experienced much of the same behavior from our WWs. It also seems we are on similar timelines with W moving out. While not all the time, I have watched her ignore the kids (plop then in front of the TV for the day) increasingly over the past few months as her smartphone addiction and fantasy life has ramped up.

These are the times when the LBS must pickup the slack in parenting and prioritize our kids. You can do it, they are most important right now and deserve our time and attention.

[curtis7]

I hear the more blatant the WW is, the easier it makes the LBS detach. People can get so hung up on trying to save the MR that their focus is on the WAS. I think those blatant actions kinda forces you to rethink where to put that focus.

Adam, I think this is true in my case. When you see and know what’s going on right in front of your eyes, you realize just how wayward they are. It sort of grounds your expectations and hope when any small signs of improvement are noticed since her words and actions are likely not genuine when she is still engaged in that type of activity. So, from that POV, detachment becomes easier.

[Ready2Change]

@R2C, thanks pointing out Coach's words and taking Curtis's list of W phrases and spinning it for the better. Really appreciate you and all that you do to help here.

My pleasure. I always assume someone can benefit. We never know who is reading. My job was easier since curtis put them all in one spot. I know there may be better responses, but it give people an idea of different ways to respond.

[curtis7]

Removing her from the MB and packing her stuff for her shows her that you know what is going on and you are not going to sit back and accept that your W is sleeping with other men.

I wanted to thank everyone for the help and guidance so far, the support has been incredible.

I have a question on possible consequences for crossing the boundary in my sitch. Since my W is moving out in just over a week, keeping her out of the MBR is going away. What other types of consequences could I consider if she continues to engage in EA/PAs with the OM during the physical separation?

[LH19]

C,

Unfortunately with her moving out there is really only one consequence left. Filing for divorce. I am guessing you’re not ready for that. The only thing you can do right now is to take the focus off your wife and put the focus on you and your children. Eat right, excercise and start to think about the kind of life you want for you and your children.

Stay strong my friend.