I mean, it's not great you sent him a rude text message and assumed the worst of him - but it is also not distancing. You had stuff on your mind, you didn't feel great about it, and you let him know. Perhaps there are better ways, but you can learn those. The impulse to hide away and pretend everything is fine is a strong one to resist.
And it seems like he was making the effort - he rang you and let you know when he was ready to talk. He took some responsibility and has obviously been reflecting on things and taking what you said into account. And you signalled pretty clearly that as well as making your own changes you're also changing your standard in what type of behaviour you will tolerate from him going forwards.
I travel a fair bit for work. Not constantly, but at least once a month or so. And for years, whenever I had to go away and spend the night in a hotel, I would be VILE to H the night before. I'd think I was asking for comfort or special closeness, and he'd feel pressured and pestered and like not only was he being left with the kids, but also had to deal with my emotional needs before and after. I can't say I did this consciously, but looking back I can also see that I picked fights because it was a pretty reliable way to get solid and undivided attention from him. And it was all because (though I didn't realise that at the time) going away from home on my own and leaving my family behind triggered some really old traumatic stuff about being put in care as a child that I had never dealt with. I feel really sorry for my H having to put up with that all those years. And he did try to tell me he thought it was my childhood stuff, and I'd get really angry and say he wasn't taking my needs seriously. I know he felt like whatever he did was never enough. And I regret it such a lot. And I wish it hadn't taken me so long to understand what was going on with me. I hope your H realises before it is too late. If it's any consolation, if he's anything like me (and it sounds like we might be a little bit similar) he's probably internally such a mess and craving affection and attention and utterly unable to trust it when he gets it. It is miserable and makes him unfit for marriage and you can't fix it. But perhaps he is on the way to resolving it himself.
