It really is. I think the parenting thing is a massive, massive issue for him. He feels pushed out by mine and Eldest's bond. He feels we're a unit that has taken a side against him. I can see why he'd think that, and I know he's absolutely right that there's been many occasions that my fear of conflict has landed him with the dirty work of parenting. He's been bad cop. And the stricter he's been, the more I've compensated by being comforting and empathic, and the more he's compensated by being harsh, and the more Eldest has taken advantage of that (and been upset and hurt by it). It takes both of us to move, and someone to go first, and because I agree that Eldest needs firmer boundaries, I am happy to go first. But I also need him to be showing warmth and a change in his communication style towards Eldest. And none of this is much to do with R, though I don't want to R unless we can sort this out well, so of course it is to do with R.
