hi Blu, I saw your posts about H's and affairs on another thread, didn't want to bomb so am replying to you here. I totally agree with everything you said and I do think it is really helpful advice. I, too, didn't understand how H was having an affair--but he was-- so I'd like to add some things to what you said. He said he needed "space" and moved out. Huge red flag- he needed space to pursue the affair and put me as plan B. He got a new phone plan and number, eventually. He was texting some strange numbers that I saw but it stopped cold. And he didn't get a new phone for several months so I thought he stopped texting with what turned out to be the OW. Guess what, they skyped and messaged via skype, how clever they were. H was very needy with me, needed to talk to me all the time, then suddenly was... alone in apt? Well no, he was skyping her all the time! Turns out, she lived quite far away so they didn't see each other too often. All the disappearances added up, when he'd not be in contact for four or five days, then we'd meet.. well, he was going to see her or she was going to see him. The rest of the time he was "alone and depressed" in his apartment. This was all when we were separated. Like you said, there were signs, I could just tell there was someone else, I just didn't see how or who it could be. I was the plan B. Like you, probably would have done things differently had I known that would be the case for a really long time. Too long. Finally, he filed, because he and OW had decided to try to be together. After he filed and we finalized everything, I didn't hear from him. I didn't know they'd moved in together and were together for something like 2 years before it collapsed. I was pretty surprised to find all of this out recently, but it all adds up. Pretty painful to learn but I suppose a good thing.
