Maybe you can't see it in yourself, but you are still trying to control her. You are still trying to talk you way out of this mess. Emotional pressure and pursuit is not the answer to this problem.
I reread your first post, and I think she had already made the decision to leave you. She was looking for a place, but before she found one.....you tell her that you agree that things aren't working and you think she should leave. You chose not to disclose your knowledge of her one night stand. Maybe b/c she would figure out you were still snooping? IDK, but the point is that confronting her now, or trying to talk to her about compulsive behavior is not going to help the status of your MR. It won't cause her to respect you more.
You need to let go of this idea of confronting her about the latest PA. If it didn't do any good on the first one, it's not going to make much difference on the latest one. IMHO, you forfeited the best time to bring it up, so now that she's in the process of moving out.........don't give her a "parting shot".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
