Hi Krull. I'm so sorry you are down. I suffered from depression for most of my marriage. Some seasons better, some I could hardly make it out from under the bed.
I did counseling, pills, acupuncture, you name it. I finally found a lady (Christian counselor) who specialized in EMDR therapy. It was a game changer. I have nothing against the meds, but I tried them for 7 years and sometimes they helped but when they didn't, I, too thought of suicide.
When I wasn't thinking about suicide, I was seeing ways that I might die, and I was telling myself that the world would be better off, I would be better off, dying.
What I'm saying is, our situations etc might not be the same, and my solution might not be yours, but I wanted to tell you that you will NOT always feel this way. I have met others who have made it to the other side with depression, anxiety, PTSD and situational depression. Don't give up, is what I'm saying. Keep knocking down doors until you find help that helps you.
I don't know what your faith is, but I started listening to sermons online and that helped me immensely. I was able to hear the truth (I am loved by God, my identity isn't in my illness, my worth doesn't come from others) and that was just before the EMDR, and I still listen to them.
You aren't alone. No matter what 'the fog' is telling you right now. Reach out. Bless you.
Thank you for your words,
I am doing my best to stay on track, I just miss my w and s. I am working hard on all of this, but there are a lot of moments lately when I just don't find any of this DBing as a solution, I just want my family back, if DBing means move on, then I should just move on, how can I have a chance to try to have my family back? I have done everything by the book, still I do not see anything, she never calls, not even to ask for a divorce, like I am just dead or never existed.
I am not a person of faith in god, I do respect people that do, but I am not, regardless of the outcome I am still doing everything that i should be doing and more, but still I see no results besides me looking better and being healthy.
