Midlife crisis husband and separation part 2

[BluWave]

I hear what you are saying. I am glad you are still able to enjoy the simple pleasures and take care of yourself. I really struggled with that in my sitch.

I would also say that almost all of us, myself included, had a very good argument as to why our H would never have an A and how it's not possible. My H was (and is) the kindest, loving and most loyal person. People still remark on what a wonderful father and warm person he is when they get to know him. He spends his time off with the kids, carpooling them, tidying the house and running errands. We were so close and in love. It still doesn't make sense to me. .... yet it still happened. I didn't even believe it..... I have read so many women's stories here (MANY) and most them do not believe it's possible either. And then a couple months (or years) later we learn, yes it did happen. Nobody wants to believe it. Something to really think about.

I don't know your H at all and of course I have no proof. I just have been reading the patterns here for years. So that is why I put it in the hypothetical: if I could verify it (which I cannot) would that change what you do right now? Have you thought about that?

I ask this because we read here that we should follow the rules regardless, which includes working on detachment, GAL and 180s. No R talks, no initiating contact and letting them go. Also, most women would not allow for cake eating or an affectionate relationship with their H while in an A. If you do not know there is an A, it is better to assume that there is.

A or no A, I get the sense your H knows he can come back home at any time. I am not sure that will help you. What is his incentive to make changes?

Blu