So what have I learned from this? I can't make choices about my M based on what others think. I really can't. And I still have some shame to let go of. While that is easy to say, it's not as easy to do.
I agree with this so much, because the shame is present at every step of the way. I'm considering what shame means for me as my W moves towards D. I sometimes wonder if part of the reason we want our spouses back *so* much is to avoid the shame of having failed. And maybe that's why those that start piecing find it so difficult - there is another layer to work through. And then you must determine if you want the M because you want your significant other, or because you want things to be "right" in your world again. I imagine it to be quite conflicting.
I hope I'm not putting words in your mouth, I'm speaking only from what I've read in various folks' threads - not yours in particular.
