I just posted about a recent situation that happened on my thread, when my BFFs friend interjected her opinion of my H and my M., without knowing me or without being asked. It was hurtful but I am going to try and learn from it, rather than let it hurt me.

I think another challenge in piecing is not allowing fear of judgement from others motivate your decision making process. This can be thought of an several ways. If your S had an A, there can be personal shame that others will judge you, judge your S, or not approve of you taking them back. There will always be people in your life (close friends, family, or even strangers) that will have various opinions. Ultimately, everyone needs to do what is right for themselves and their children. We cannot let fear of what others think drive our own choices. They may think about it, or gossip, but most likely, they don't care as much as you think they do. They also do not know all of the circumstances and may only choose to see things from one angle. Their will always be opinions of others and you can't please everyone.

I think the same can be said if you, yourself, had the A or made mistakes. There can be fear that you are not good enough for your S or that others may not forgive you. You cannot wait on the forgiveness of others or let that hold you back. I don't see forgiveness as a switch that you can turn on or off, but it is a journey. And it is one you continue to walk on, and some days it will be more challenging, while other days it will feel more smooth. If you wait for others to forgive you, or approve of your M, then you disband yourself of any power that you have to make things better.

Another thing that I am realizing is that I don't need other people to tell me to do the right thing or that they do approve of my H or my M. I find myself seeking permission from my close friends, as if I need to know that they will validate that yes, H is a good guy. Yes, we think you should make this work. For me, I get that from them. My friends and family do like him and they do approve. .... But I have to remind myself that I don't actually need it. It can only really come from me. I am the one that is here beside him each day, not them.

Just my thoughts today.

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela