Juju and fogg, you are both 100% right.

I have mindread every possible situation. I can’t believe how much my relationship anxiety is. I’ve been burned one too many times and I get a “holy crap, not again! Feeling” I need to stop.

Juju. My BFF said the exact same thing to me. Like I don’t even worry about my feelings in an R. I am always worried about what my partner is thinking about me. You are right. I’m more messed up than I thought I was from divorce.
I don’t like right now how he seems to be thinking a little too much about himself in a situation that is affecting me physically and mentally and how I feel I need to downplay it. Because I just worry about how I make others feel. Very unhealthy. I worry about if I’m good enough when I should be looking at if they are worthy of me.

I will tell you this. If he gets through all of this stuff going on and steps up a little as a boyfriend when I’m going through stuff and doesn’t back away, then he is worthy of me. Of me and D11. If he doesn’t, it has nothing to do with me. I have to remind myself of that.

I was thinking about how my self care has gone down the tubes. I look like poop and I feel like poop. I worry too much about others and I give much more love and slack to others than I do to myself and that’s not healthy.

I was supposed to go back to the gym next month, but I can’t now. But I’m cleaning up my eating. I’m going to take up more hobbies for myself that I enjoy and relax me. The nice weather is coming and I want to plant my own herbs. I got a nice area to do that.

If this doesn’t work, I’m taking a good solid year off to work on me. Physically and mentally. Not think about men and romantic relationships . And if and when I do date again, I have learned kids won’t be involved until there is a solid commitment. Too much at stake.

But I am happy in this relationship. I was so happy with how this weekend went. It made me feel really good. I questioned everything when it didn’t seem to make him feel that way. But that’s on him. I thought it was a great weekend, my daughter did and so did his son.

More positivity less negativity. More focus on me and less worrying about everyone else