In terms of the EA, I believe him when he tells me he is not in contact with the woman in question any more. I can also understand - in terms of him wanting things that I was not offering at the time - why he'd be tempted. I can see it was a bit of a fantasy and a boost to the ego and while I don't like it, I totally get it - because I have used work (my career has been a bit more sparkly than his, always) to boost my ego in a similar way. It isn't pretty, but I do get it and see those same tendencies in myself expressed in different ways. We did talk about it a lot at the time, and I do believe he was genuinely shocked and saddened by how devastated I was. And I don't think I want to address it with him again - I want to let it pass. I am just insecure. He chased the OW and showed her how keen he was and made himself vulnerable by making it clear how much he wanted her company and interest in a way that I haven't seen him do with me for years. I guess I want some of that, and even though the EA is over, he hasn't yet felt safe enough to do that with me.
The work thing is out of the ordinary and has a definite end date and I am prepared to be patient and reserve final judgement on it all until then. I don't know how much longer after that I will wait to hear him say, 'okay - yes, I want to work on things and here is what I want to do' or even if it is fair of me to expect or demand that kind of verbal commitment. We are not in piecing and I don't think I am ready for piecing myself yet - but I don't know how I will tell if he is ready.
