Don't beat yourself up so bad. What you have done is identified the exact thing that you need to work on. How bad can that be. Not only that you apologized and that can take the wind out of any sail.
Try to remember this. If you feel yourself getting angry about a conversation, just agree with what your H is saying. If he says, "you are so negative!", reply with " you're right, I can understand why you see it that way."
Two things happen. You validate what he said, and you make it very hard for him to argue if you are understanding what he says. Don't be confused. Understanding does not mean you believe it, you just see his point of view. Try it.
Keep setting small goals, practice conversations in your head and let's see what happens.
