Yes I've been thinking about that Alison. I'm actually incredibly open with my good friends, and I have a bunch of them who I have told everything to. So I think it's that I have to be able to see people regularly before I can open up, and my parents live a long way away and we don't see each other much. Ditto my best friend, but I have other friends I'm extremely honest with. Hi Adam, thanks for dropping by. 7 months feels like forever but luckily time is speeding up!
I have been GAL with style today, had a really amazing morning and doing stacks of new stuff and meeting new people. Very inspiring.
I did meet dh for breakfast, we had a nice warm time and I walked him to the station. When we got there we gazed at each other and he asked me if I was ok and gave me a big hug and a kiss on the lips (not a snog but that might be the first kiss of any kind I've had in 7 months). I texted him later to say I needed to tell him about a dream I'd had about him last night, it was extraordinary. I might seem dippy with these dreams but they are so full of stuff I can't ignore them!
In this dream it started off with my parents and my neighbour and some stuff about keys. Then it turned to dh and he was avoiding my parents coming. He was packing to go to New York and putting everything in very neat zipped woolen bags in his suitcase. Then I turned round and saw he was wearing lipstick. I suddenly though he's a cross dresser or trans and that's what he's been hiding. Then I went after him and saw he had lots of makeup on almost like a mask. It was like an album cover, with writing on his cheek. I couldn't see it properly so I turned a lamp on his face to see him better. He said 'I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, that's why I prefer this. He said it really sadly. I rubbed his arms, which were bare, but they were skinny like my teen son's. He said 'that makes me feel a bit better'. I felt incredibly sad that he was in such a bad place and I couldn't touch him. And then I saw a cherry on his forehead was falling off so I went to fix it and I realised his mask was made out of ice cream and was melting. Then I woke up and cried. I feel upset even remembering it.
