Dealing with a complex MLC and/or Wayward Wife

[LH19]

I'm thinking about having the equivalent of an 'exit interview' with her before she moves.

That would be a very bad idea. You have to just drop the rope and let her go.

She has an idea that I know about her last PA (although I did not confront her directly so it's never been an official conversation). Furthermore, she might be under the impression that I still believe that she has ended the other EA's/PA's (I know she has not - but she may not have gotten physical again - yet).

PJ it doesn't matter she is moving out and you CAN'T CONTROL what she does.

As you know she is trying to cake eat as much as she can while she is still in the house.

Can you give some examples of how she is trying to cake eat?

She also seems to be under the impression that we will still be doing 'family' stuff on some weekends (ya know to keep the family unit together).

What makes you think that? Has she said can we still do things as a family?

Essentially, I think she is covering for cake eating in the future by acting like she is 'working on our relationship' when we are together as a family - when really it's just cake eating.

What makes you think she is working on the relationship? Has she said I am moving out to work on the relationship?

So, I thought it would be important to have a talk about what my boundaries are and why as it pertains to our relationship after the moves.

What are your boundaries and what are the consequences if broken?

Explain to her that; I believe she is still actively having EA's/PA's (details don't matter) and that I will not be ANYONE'S plan b.

What if she says yes I am actively having EA/PAs? What will you do?

Therefore I don't see a lot of 'family' time for us until you are ready to actively work on your issues and our relationship.

Actions not words.

We will be 'friends' and we will work together as co-parents to make the transition for our children as smooth as possible - but our MR DOES NOT EXIST and if/when you are ready we can discuss the possibility of building something in the future - but not until you are done with OM!

PJ you see this is another control thing with you. You are trying to tell her the marriage does not exist when she is already basically told you it's over. Don't even bring up the possibility of reconciling in the future. It has to be her choice to want to reconcile.

I know you feel like your life is out of control right now but I am afraid you are going to do more damage with your words. There is a saying around here that you need to open the cage door and set her free.