Slow down!! Making life decisions based on your emotions rarely works!!! DO NOT GET PREGNANT TO WIN HIM BACK.
You are talking about a family here, another life! Adding a child to an already troubled relationship can not make things better!
Tell him..... When you are recommitted to our relationship and have ended all contact with the other woman forever and have proven this to me by total honesty and rebuilding my trust in you, I will gladly be the mother of our children.Period.
You must stand your ground on this.
My feelings are, that without a strong marriage, children have a greater chance of adding to the stress in a marriage than reducing it. This is from my own experience. (D5 D7)
Please correct the issue at hand before committing to anything else. Children deserve both parents, as their parents. A loving family under the same roof.
As far as your Hs actions. He is confused. He is trying to work an angle (kids) to see who is willing to meet his needs. His needs though are based on his emotions right now. Again, not a good decision making process. Don't believe his words, believe his actions. When his actions speak to what you want in your relationship with him, THEN consider starting the family.
It is very common for a wayward spouse to waffle back and forth during attempts to reconcile. Very similar to an addiction. They say they want to stop, and do for a short time, then fall off of the wagon. This can repeat many times. By standing your ground and letting him know up front, what your conditions of reconciliation are, you actually become the confident, strong and more desireable partner, than someone who gives in on any issue that comes along.
I hate using cliches but, If you let him go to make his decisions, and he chooses you, based on what everyone knows to be a sound and respected marriage relationship, then you have accomplished your goal together with dignity and honor.
Take things slow, be patient and stand for what you know to be the best decision.
