Dead man walking

[Hurt213]

Try,

I've not read through your thread yet, however I wanted to chime in, and let you know, that I am rooting for you, and I will catch up on your story.

You are hurting, because, you are human, and we are a complicated species. One of the reasons for that is, that we are so advanced on a kognitive level. That leads us to form relationships with our mates, that are, if we are lucky, lifelong. However, this is rarely the case these days, and we end up hurt, betrayed, and with a sense of not belonging anywhere.

We bond ourselves to our mates, we form attachments so very strong, that they define who we are as people. This is putting ourselves in a really vulnerable place because by doing this, we loose the individual strength, that defines us as a person. This is something we do willingly, because we trust in our mate - however when this bond is broken, we end up belonging no where, because we have given up on a lot of our identity, to be part of the former relationship.

You are hurting, because you are trying to put back the pieces. Who am I really on my OWN, what do I really WANT to achieve with my life? what makes ME happy? These are questions you are going to deal with now, and that is scary, because this is your journey. A journey that involves nobody but you - nobody is giving you input, you need to shape yourself. Only you knows, what the best version of you is.

When you detach, you are able to reflect upon yourself, and in time (not instantly, but in time), you will be curious, you will be motivated, and you will find the strength, to answer these questions. By undertaking this journey, you will find yourself, you will be whole again, and you will realize, that you are not dependent on anyone in able to be happy, however you will in time be able to realize, that you are enough by yourself.

Get to the point, where you love yourself, so you are able to love others. Do not rush this journey, you can't. You might be able to convince yourself that you are healed, but this is a long journey. Embrace it, and you will be allright.

Let your spouse do whatever, even though it hurts, because you can either curl up on the floor, being the victim, being sad, being depressed, and waste a WHOLE lot of time - this is not attractive, or you can grieve while you work on yourself, and get up from that floor, work on bettering yourself. Define your identity, set some goals for your life, and make this all about you - this will:

1. make you detach.
2. allow you to live instead of wasting precious time sobbing.
3. create the possibility of creating and reaching the dreams you forgot about.
4. open the door for a possibility of reconciliation / meeting the partner you never could have dreamed of.

The possibilities are endless, however they only become endless once you decide to live in the present, and live for you.

I hurt too, and still do on occasion, we loved with all our heart, and some part of us always will, but in the end, we can't live through others. That is wasting our lives, and that is sad. Be strong, be wise - go cry and then start the journey towards your epic life. You are writing the screenplay every day you wake up. Do you want to live in a horror movie or do you want to be the mysterious James Bond? its all on you my friend.

Stay strong.