I wonder if it would help, Dilly, to take a bit of time away from talking about your marriage and H in your IC and talk about the changes and developments you want to make for yourself? I know you're concentrating on that a lot - and that you have lots of GAL and are examining your tendencies to distance. I am not sure, given that your H is where he is, that you can resolve those distancing habits in a relationship with him. That might be something to do in piecing, but until he can say, 'yes, I want to be married and I want to make changes so we can be happy in a marriage together' then you can't develop as his wife. Maybe you can just develop as Dilly, and work on not-distancing with a friend, and your children, and your family? Perhaps talking to your parents honestly and without blaming H about what is going on and seeing if you can enjoy some of their emotional support would be a good positive change for you. You can't control what they'd think of H and you can't be responsible for that, or the effect that has on how they relate to each other in the future. But you can work on your distancing tendencies in relationships where the other person wants to know more of you. If not your parents, then other people? Who would like to see more of your heart?
