My IC has revealed to me that for a long time, whenever I felt insecure or upset or fearful or anything at all, I turned to H to fix that for me. And sometimes he could - and when he coudn't or didn't want to - I got angry at him. That's on me. What I am learning to do now is to look inside to deal with my own negative feelings, and at the same time not take total responsibility for them - it's perfectly natural I would feel those things given the way the marriage was, and that means I need to work on some boundaries too. It's an outside job - taking action in the real world - and an inside job - going inside and dealing with my past and my childhood issues and my tendency to make someone else responsible for comforting me all the time, and what damage that has done to H and our marriage. It's a slow process. It sounds like that book would be really useful to me. I will see if I can catch the video today while I'm on the train. Thank you again.
