A couple of months back I would have tied myself in knots trying to work out why he was doing something. I'm pleased to say that I don't give it much consideration now. I suspect all of the above.
I've put my trust in my L. She's awesome. To trust her is massive for me because the only other person I've ever really trusted is H and look how that worked out. I'm happy that she and I have a strategy. She apologised that she cannot advise mediation, which is what she is trained to do, but his prior knowledge and current actions sort of negate it.
I went to the Bowen therapist for a head massage and we got talking and tried Bowen instead. I'm a fan. She's such a calm person that I feel myself tearing whenever I talk to her. I've realised that it's because I feel safe in her company. Safe to feel emotional. I have come to believe / understand that I cannot cure my head by 'thinking myself out of it' and that I should take a holistic view.
That's a big thing for me who was in the 'roll your sleeves and flipping get on with it' camp.
The book she recommended was by Mark Williams. Watch him on you tube first if you like. Here's what my mind wants to do: " you feel sad. why are you sad. Because your life is difficult. because of the divorce. because of the husband, because of the house, because of the kids, because of work, because you're going to be alone, because you must not be a nice and worthy person etc etc." What I am aiming for is " oh you feel a bit low today. Take it a bit slower. It'll pass"
