Just journalling. Saw H on Wednesday - and it was fine. I didn't mention anything about the messages or lack of them, and he was a bit cool with me at first but then relaxed and we had a nice chat with the kids, ate as a family then I went out to GAL for a couple of hours with women friends he doesn't know. He asked me what I was up to and I kept it vague and friendly, 'just seeing a few ladies for cake and coffee.'
I asked him a few weeks ago if he was coming to the house to spend time with the kids in the evening would he not bring whisky with him (he's not an alcoholic, but he does drink when stressed and he's an unpleasant and argumentative drunk and I'm never going to tiptoe around my own front room when he's drunk and glowering in a corner ever again). I've never mentioned it since asking that one time, and he's never done it since, and didn't on Wednesday, so I am glad about that.
Seems like he enjoyed spending time with both kids, and Eldest seemed happy to have spent that little bit of time with him. So that was good news and I am really glad that no matter what happens or doesn't happen with us, that the kids have been able to have that easy warm contact with him without me around and that the Eldest was included. I think it might also break the ice a bit for the family therapy session, which is this weekend and which I feel a bit less anxious about, as I've decided just to listen as much as I can.
He stayed for a little bit afterwards - we needed to discuss putting some parental controls on the internet, which I've changed, and how to handle something I'd found on a computer Youngest had been using. I felt he was being really supportive and not blaming me, which is new and I felt good about that. He mentioned again wanting to work on things, and I said I hoped we got to that place but I struggled to trust him right now. He said he'd be surprised if I did trust him at this point, and we left it there - very naturally and without hard feelings.
