Keeping the faith ... finding me (Part 4)

[Grace21]

Hi FS I check in on you from time to time, and your last post inspired me to stop by for a "chat". In my sitch, I'm closing in on 6 months S, but in reality we were just floating along as roommates since 1/2018. Still Standing, although I've tipped over a few times.

I read somewhere that you need to learn to be alone because then you will never be lonely. This is a lesson hard learned. But it has been learned.

This is so true. I've always been comfortable in my own skin, and I can honesty say I have rarely felt lonely since H moved out. Not to say I don't feel sorry for myself in the quiet of the evening, and miss Hs companionship, but not lonely. I told someone once that you can be lonely with someone around all time. That's how I felt prior to H moving out. Lonely with him. My life is full, because I choose it to be that way. I am pro-active.

It has been a very long process. I did not think at the start that I would still be standing over a year in. I gave myself lots of deadlines, lots of lines in the sand. Six months, if he starts dating, if he goes on this holiday. But in reality, it is not a choice. I stand because I feel deep inside there is still hope for us. I think it was DnJ on DV's thread who said that there is a difference between moving on and moving forward. I have not moved on but I am moving forward. I honestly think that moving on will be organic for me. It wont' be precipitated by a particular length in time, a formal separation or a D. It won't be precipitated by a discovery of him having an affair. It will just happen.

This is spot on. After much emotional turmoil over a few events discovered over the past 1 1/2 months, this is something I've come to realize for myself too. My faith tells me that no matter how broken a person is, Grace, redemption, and a happy life is possible. I found it for myself. I can see the full life I plan to lead from now on. I hope H comes along for the ride someday. I will let life just happen, and see it it leads me to a happy life with, or without H.

My life if full, and I am (mostly) content.

Sounds life yours is too, FS.