Thank you FS, that was helpful. I think you're right, I'm suddenly obsessing about what he's up to whereas before I would just assume he was getting on with work and stuff and I wasn't worried too much. Maybe I do need to go dark for my own benefit. I certainly need to stop pursuing. I texted him earlier asking what he was up to tonight. About half an hour later he rang and said he'd had a bottle of wine with some work colleagues. Now I'm suspicious of that. How did it take him an hour to get back to his flat?
I feel like I was in a really good place at last in the last fortnight, like I would be OK no matter what. This week has been utterly horrific. I want to climb out of this hole and back into being OK no matter what. I will stop being a victim. I will be strong and get on with my life. I have 2 very nice GAL activities planned for tomorrow which are both productive and feed my soul. I kind of wish I hadn't agreed to meet dh for breakfast tomorrow now, I will have to get up super early to meet him. I've agreed multiple times so I won't go back on my word, but I won't be super friendly tomorrow. I'll be too tired for starters.
I'm moving towards going dark, for sure. I'm not sure I'm content with crumbs and tiny changes when he still tells me he's not sure he wants to be married. I know that patience is key to all this, but I'm really not sure I'm prepared to wait for years with no physical affection. My kids are teens, if this had happened when they were still affectionate then maybe, but not now. Life is too short. I don't want to be alone for years on end.
