Rocky Road 2

[Miler]

That's a great question LH. One my W has asked in MC. She actually said in therapy, "I don't know what you are looking for...the only this that is missing is sex...and I'm not having sex right now. You know this just makes me feel like we are sweeping everything under the rug and not addressing what's wrong." I didn't argue with her. But that's not it. There is no non-sexual physical affection or emotional closeness in our relationship. That's what makes a romantic relationship/marriage. Now, with that said, I understand where she is and that she needs space to figure out "who she is now that she's no longer the primary caregiver and hometaker." She feels like she's lost who she is and that by my controlling nature, she stopped listening to her internal voice. I can appreciate that she needs space from emotional closeness to figure her own emotional state and what she needs.

In fairness, things have changed greatly...and she's noticed (as have the MC). She just needs time to see that they are permanent and we can "trust us."

Now, as far as limbo is concerned, nothing that I'm doing day to day would change. I would just mentally be freed of the "where does everything stand now." If we went our separate ways, I wouldn't start dating right away, but my mindset would be different going out in public. I also would be doing a lot more night activities with friends. If we ended up reconciling, I would just be free to be myself at home...which includes showing her physical affection, talking to her about things that I don't bring up now, doing activities together, etc.

I think I'm just having a bad day. Everything felt so easy the last week or so. Today I just find myself wondering what she is thinking, what she may want. PATIENCE is so difficult for me. Some days I just want to plan out what I would do should she pull the plug (and I find that exciting). I don't want to be blindsided (that's happened twice before with her)...and that generates fear and anxiety for me.