Hi kate11, in my case, XH absolutely had to leave to navigate the full-blown crisis. For him I think leaving was the beginning of his journey (although it didn't seem like it during the time). He had to go to the greener grass, live with OW and try to set up his "better life". Slowly, over years, this so-called amazing person replacing me was a slob, had mental issues, picked fights, etc. and just wanted him to take care of her (I don't think she worked). More importantly, as he realized that she was an incompatible partner, he discovered that his own abandonment issues led him to idealize her. The more he saw that his childhood issues had led him to a giant disaster of a relationship, the more he realized what a mess he was. He then sought therapy. But like Job said, everyone has their own path. For me, I couldn't be there for it.
