Dealing with a complex MLC and/or Wayward Wife

[P_Jam]

Sandy!
so great to have you contribute to my sitch I've read A LOT of your posts and really happy to have your input.

I do realize that my effort to create a loss is not only a controlling move but also may not be the loss that begins to break the fog. From my perspective though.. doesn't seem like it can hurt. I've got 3 weeks before she is out of the house and from then on it will only be time, space and her own decisions that will hopefully begin to break the fog.

I'm not sure I even have anymore ideas on how to create anymore losses. I've also stopped snooping. I think she is getting the feeling that I am detached as I think i'm 'acting as if' pretty well. I'm also doing good at GAL staying very busy with Golf etc (although I do fear that me being gone a lot is also allowing her to remember why she has resentment in the first place). That being said even my IC says; she my not know it directly but until you completely detach/drop the rope there is probably an underlying feeling that you have not detached <-- and she can feel this.

It will be easier when she is out (although acting as if will be tougher) as I won't have the immediate feedback on how she is feeling and this is when I will just need to focus on me. Right now I can tell she is trying to mirror me by detaching more and not being as obvious about being nice/cake eating. Which makes me feel like what I'm doing is working a little.

I'm doing something this weekend I probably shouldn't (but it's too late) we are doing one more family event. I know I should not have invited her to this - but I did. Hopefully, it just works as one more thing/lifestyle that she recognizes she will be giving up.

I'm still hopeful that my sitch will turn around quicker than others - but only time will tell. I'll keep journaling and asking questions of you and the board.

One question for you Sandy (not sure if you read through my entire sitch). Based on where I am now (WW). I plan to go dark/grey as soon as she is out basically LRT. I haven't talked about R or pursued in over 3 weeks. So when she goes I plan to just keep any communication about the kids. Do you agree with this strategy? Not sure I really have any other options.