Almost40 and 2much, thank you for your comments.
Your posts actually brought tears to my eyes. I don't know, maybe I am overly emotional these days, or maybe I just feel really touched that you guys care so much.

2much, I am so happy that I made you feel good. I think you are doing a great job.

A lot of times I think that I don't have the strength to go on like this, and I just want to give up. This is taking SOOO long! But then your words of encouragment renew my determination. Almost40, thanks for commenting, I have missed hearing from you, it helps me tremendously to know that your sitch was so similar to mine, and that things can get better.

Some updates for the weekend, nothing major happened, but I managed to get us back on track (stop him from pulling away)....

Friday night H told me that we would go for dinner, I asked him if he was going to go out after (with OW). He said he didn't know cause we might have to watch our son if my MIL was too tired. We ended up going to one of our favourite chinese restaurants, then afterwards we went to the club district and sat on the patio having drinks. There was no R talk, it was nice, but I sensed that H wasn't really into it. I didn't ask what was bothering him and just acted as if. He didn't end up going out afterwards, EVEN THOUGH we didn't need to watch our son. I knew that it was just an excuse, he wasn't planning on going with OW. I think that SHE is the one who had other plans and H just didn't want to make a commitment to spending the night with me in case she called. Of course I am just ASSuming. Maybe he decided to stay home and used our son as the excuse?
At the end of the night we went home and slept. It was nice being able to wake up on a weekend snuggling with him instead of alone.

Saturday night he told me that he was going out. I was sad. He asked me why? I just said that I would miss him.
Then he makes the comment "Just cause I stayed home last night, it doesn't mean that I am not going to go out tonight, SEE you are expecting me to stay". I got angry, I told him that he is jumping to conclusions. That I wasn't reading anything into him staying home friday night. I told him that I am always sad when he isn't around, it is nothing new! He hugged me and said sorry, then he left.

He called me later but I didn't hear the phone, he left me a message - "Hi, I just wanted to see if you were okay, I'll call you later"
Then he sent me a text message saying the same thing.

I didn't notice them until an hour later, so I texted him back and told him that I was okay, I asked if he was okay, and told him to call me later.

He replied with a text and said that he got my message, that he would talk to me in the morning and that he loved me. Then he sent another message around 4am telling me that he was sick and that he threw up. It might have been something he ate or that he drank.

The next day he came home late, he told me that he missed me. He said he wanted to go out with our son the weekend after next. I said sure.


I told him that I wanted to clarify some things. I said that since he went out on Wednesday (with OW) he has been making comments about me getting too close to him and being hurt etc...I told him that I wasn't sad because he stayed with me friday and then went out saturday. I told him that I have been hurting for 6 months now, that this is nothing new, that nothing has changed for me. THEN he said, "then how come I am missing you so much?" I KNEW IT - This wasn't about me, it was about him and his feelings - He is the one who is getting closer to me and is nervous about it. I just replied saying that he misses me because I am still in there somewhere (pointed to his heart). He sighed and said "I know you are".

So he stayed home one night this weekend, he called and texted me 4 times while he was with her, and signed it love H....made plans for another weekend with our family..I'd say I stopped him from running..hahaha...

At night, he asked me if I ever wonder about OW. I said there is something that bothers me. I told him that I think she is stupid. He asked why? I said because she is dating a married man and expects it to be a normal relationship! I wasn't sure how H would react, I thought he would make the comment about us being separated so she was right to act that way etc...to my surprise HE AGREED! He said that she is very naive, and definately not as smart as me.

We had an emergency yesterday - our dog bit the lady down the street. It was a bit of a mess, we both left work and went home. My younger brother-in-law left the door open and the dog got out...long story... The lady wasn't bleeding or anything but she does have a nasty bruise.

When I got home H was visibly shaken, we dealt with the situation, then he drove me back to work. I think he appreciated that I was there to help him deal with it.

Last night, we ended up buying a tv - our old one has been slowly dying. We have avoided buying a new one cause of our situation and cause financially our debt binds us together. It was his idea to buy it, then he set up the surround sound system that has been sitting in boxes since February. Again I am not reading too much into this. I think he is just trying to keep himself busy. I am just glad it's working on the house and not with OW.
The more things we buy, the more our debt increases - means he can't afford to move out, and the more things we fix in the house bring us closer together as opposed to apart. I mean why fix and buy stuff for a home that will no longer exist if we divorce? I know he understands this since he made the comment a long time ago....

Well we'll see what happens the rest of the week, I have to remember not to have expectations, cause then I will be let down and he will see that and back off again...need to detach better....