Doodler - Thanks for confirming my approach. Has your XW mellowed yet? Is that even a realistic expectation?
Holding,
The short answer is, yes, my XW has mellowed, but it was a rough ride getting to that destination. And to be fair, I'm sure if I'd always been at my best behavior it probably would've been a little easier. And yes, I think it's a realistic expectation that your XW will eventually mellow.
To give you a little background, my XW filed a motion for contempt against me. Part of the settlement for the motion was to hire a parenting coordinator. I thought having a parenting coordinator would be a good thing, but in our second session with the parenting coordinator, the parenting coordinator insisted that I wanted to get back together with my XW. I got up and walked out and I've never returned. (I assume my XW told the parenting coordinator that I wanted her back, but I don't know that for certain, it's just an assumption.)
Several months later, my XW tried to have me arrested for paying a bill via her checking account (that's not what happened). I sat through two police interrogations. (I think they call it an "interview," but believe me, it was an interrogation.) It was brutal, but I told the truth. There was certainly no reason to do otherwise because I'd done nothing wrong. I don't know what happened behind the scenes regarding the interactions with my XW and the cops, but I assume that the cops figured out that I wasn't the problem. I think the cops talked to the parental coordinator as well, because, after the cop incident, my XW started going to the parenting coordinator again. (She'd stopped going after the session when I'd walked out.) That seemed to be the turning point with my XW and the change was welcomed.
So, the longer answer to your question is, your wife will probably mellow, but it seems like they have to go to a very low and dark place before they're ready to play nice.
