I sent him a text about his other phone and it ended up with him ringing me and us having an R talk. Ugh. He's 'still not sure if he wants to be married or not'. I really, really, really hate R talks. I tried validating as much as I could. Actually I was good, I didn't get too upset, I was quite calm about it all. I was properly open and vulnerable and said it's really hard for me to be open with him but it might be easier if he was a bit more open with me too. And he said he didn't know if he could do that. Well derr. I said maybe he could start small with things like telling me he was exhausted and needed to go to bed early on Tuesday night instead of me having to guess it and not interpret it as rejection. And he said he didn't want things going back to how they were before and I said I didn't want that either. And I said that I didn't want him back right now anyway (true), but that if we both kept changing and improving then maybe there would be hope for the future. He sounded unconvinced.

I'm not sure I handled that as well as I could, I guess I've just been hoping things were further along than they were. I need to remember actions not words. Though if we're talking actions then really all he might be doing is his 'duty' in seeing me. But then he still seems desperate not to lose me. And he said how much he misses the kids and I said I felt sad that he's missing out on them but I knew his job took a lot out of him and the commute was killing him so at least his flat helps with that. I did NOT say 'YOU ARE CHOOSING YOUR JOB OVER YOUR FAMILY' so I'm proud of myself for that. It never helps! If anything it makes him cling to his job more stubbornly, and I can't make him give it up, even if it's killing him and his relationships. And then I said I got insecure after my IC said that, and that I've been working hard at trusting him, and I do trust him, but it's very hard to trust someone who isn't even a tiny bit open with you. And I said lots of times that I wasn't pushing him at all, and that I understood how difficult this all is for him, so that was validate-y.

Argh. What.A.Mess. There was a bunch of stuff I missed in there too, it might come back to me later.

So much for being patient.
So much for getting on with my work! Right, I must do that now.