thanks for you support kjcrampton, I haven't had a chance to comment on your thread, but I will.
On Tuesday, we were lying on the couch and he said that OW would be mad if she knew. I sighed and said "when are you going to tell that girl the truth about us? He said what do you mean? I said about the fact that we are still intimate etc... He got upset and said "Why should I tell her? So she can leave me?" Then he got up and didn't want to sit with me. He asked if that is what I was waiting for? For him to tell her then they would break up and he would get back together with me? I said no, I just said that cause you made the comment about her being mad. You know that you should be honest with her. But whatever, that's your problem. He then commented that maybe we are getting to close to each other. He said he knows he has to stop (meaning being with me). I didn't say anything, and the rest of the night went well, and we didn't let the conversation interfere with our interactions.
On Wednesday H told me he was 'going out'. I was hoping that things were slowing down between them since he didn't go with her last wed, but I guess not. He didn't text me.
On thurs morning he asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with him on Friday night. (usually an OW night) I said okay. (he had just come back from being with her, I wonder if she is the one who has other plans so H is free? Or is he mad at her again?)
Then he asked if I was okay? I said that I missed him yesterday. He said that he thinks this situation isn't working, that he hates seeing me hurting. I wanted to ask him what does he expect? But we had to go to work and I didn't want to get into anything.
Now I think that he is scared to be close to me cause it will just give me hope, and then I will be even more sad in the end...I don't mope around and cry in front of him as much anymore. But I won't hide the fact that him being with OW hurts me. For 2 reasons- cause he used to believe that I didn't care about him, and because he needs to understand that hurting me is one of the consequences of his infidelity...
I have to remember to back-off and not come on so strong cause he will just run like a rabbit..... Things are not going well with them, I think he knows that they are on the path to no-where but is holding on as long as he can... He is living in fantasy land - and keeping it going by not telling OW the truth about us. H is scared that she will break up with him. Doesn't he realize that she will find out eventually? That he is just prolonging the agony and causing more damage to our M in the meantime? Soon his bubble will burst.... In the meantime, I have to remember not to do stuff that pushes him to her...spend more time on myself and not get involved with them....
Last night he told me that it's been 6 months and I am still hurting and he hates that. I asked him what did he expect? He said he really didn't think that I loved him the way I do...
On a brighter note, last night H sent OW a text message:
"You're not home yet? Don't lie later and tell me you weren't out drinking." (12am)
An hour later she sent him one back:
"I am just out with my friends having girl talk. I'll go home soon, don't worry, luv u".
I know my H doesn't trust her, and he is the VERY jealous type. I know it really bothers him that she goes out.
I just wish that THEIR relationship would pick up the pace, so that she can keep making more demands that he can't meet - then they will be fighting even more. And of course I would love for her to find out that we are still intimate somehow....Or at least that he is lying to her...I wish she would call me, I know I can't be the one to contact her, H will resent me forever for destroying his fairytale...
(note).. yesterday I noticed all the bar and dinner receipts I had conveniently 'forgotton' in the car door were no there. H must have thrown them out when he was cleaning the car...damn....I hope she saw some of them...don't worry, I will leave some more 'lying around'...
Tonight H wants to go to dinner with me, I will try to be the best date possible...
