The past few days were good, H and I are spending more time together and with our son. I forgot to mention that on the weekend H told me that he had a birthday present in the car for our son from 'someone'. I got REALLY upset. He said it has been sitting there for a couple of weeks, he wasn't sure what to do with it and wanted to check with me first.
I didn't say anything for awhile. Then I asked why the hell was OW buying OUR son a gift? She only met him once at the movies and they had minimal interaction. What did she think? Did she think that our family accepts what they are doing? Does she think that everyone will believe that she is a 'good' person because she bought our son a gift? Does she think I would accept anything in my house from her? How would we explain to our son why a complete stranger is buying him gifts? Total disrespect or stupidity? WTF? H told me that he didn't know she would buy him anything. He had just mentioned that it was his birthday. He says that he never told OW that she could or couldn't buy things for our son. Well duh... Isn't it kind of obvious that she should know that? I could understand if she was part of our son's life, or if our families and I accepted their relationship. But that is not the case at all. They are having an affair - it's immoral and basically destroying our family. Anyways H said that he would give it to our son, but just say that he got it. I said fine.
On monday I checked his phone and there was a text message from OW - it said:
"Baby, please don't doubt me, you know you are the only one for me."
H didn't reply to it. His calls to her are still often, but she is calling WAY more than him. Also they are much shorter than usual...
On tuesday night, H told me that he was going to a baseball game with a co-worker on Wednesday (his night with OW). I asked him if he was going out afterwards. He said no, cause he had to drive his co-worker back and it would be late. I didn't buy this because he has left to go out with OW late many times. If he wanted to see her he would go out no matter what the time. But I didn't comment, I just said okay and that i would see him afterwards.
I went shopping while he was out with his coworker. He left a message on my cell, telling me he was going to the stadium and to call him if I needed to. It made me smile that he was thinking of me. When he got home he suggested we go out for a few drinks. H ended up talking about some old issues - ones I didn't even know existed in him mind. I did a good job of listening and validating for a while. But then I got defensive, we ended up arguing. Even though he was mad he was still stayed close to me and was hugging me and holding my hand. Strange.
H told me that him and OW have been fighting because of me and his feelings towards me. He said that he has been trying to distance himself from her because he wants to spend more time with me, but because of our argument he is questioning why he should even bother since 'we aren't going to work out anyways'. I know that he is just looking for excuses to end us, so I have to remember to react to his accusations differently and not so defensively. I don't want to read too much into the argument, it made me sad cause he obviously still has a lot of things to sort out in his head about me and us, plus he was drunk.
This morning we showered together and were very close, he also suggested we go out with our son tonight. So obviously he wasn't serious last night about ending us.
I hope I have the strength to stay the course, I can feel him teetering on the fence, I have to be careful not to give him a reason to land on her side, although I realize that if that is where he wants to be, he will find a way to get there regardless....
